A long, long time ago…
The horror I still remember
But the music blasted fear away
And I knew that if I had the chance
I’d throttle Makes-Things with a glance
And maybe I’d forget my spite one day…

But the memory did make me shiver
Each time the console [BEEP!] delivered
Another Sue to assassinate
My revenge would have to wait…

I don’t recall if I screamed and cried
(The Bleeprin memory denied)
But never more did my brain get fried
That day…the batteries…died.

So I’m singin’
Why, why, did my sanity die?
My fingers and my ears collide
‘LA-LA’ed till I cried
And my partner didn’t have batteries set aside
I thought ‘That’s it, my sanity is fried…’
‘That’s it, my sanity is fried.’

Well, my batteries gave up
Surrendered in this mass of schlup
The ‘elfish’ translator boomed
Bad grammar reigned and spell-check ran
(Her ‘music’ didn’t even scan)
And to the Sue a lust-object was doomed…

I know that it’s my duty
To destroy this Sueish ‘beauty’
But wilver-urple eyes
Last straw; you don’t get any prize

I shut my eyes, ignored A/Ns
Though Sue had conquered wood and glen
But all my luck ran out (again)
The day…the batteries…died.

I started singing,
Why, why, did my sanity die?
My fingers and my ears collide
‘LA-LA’ed till I cried
And my partner didn’t have batteries set aside
I thought ‘That’s it, my sanity is fried…’
‘That’s it, my sanity is fried.’

No numbing music to block the horror
As Mary played ‘magic Restorer’
I curled into a ball and sobbed
While she sang off-key to bad-played harp
I cringed alone within the dark
As Canonverse’s basis all was robbed

Through chapters I had suffered
Bad grammar unbuffered
Punctuation took vacation
(Stop the alliteration!)
While Sue recited bad flowery prose
And with poor, dazed lust-object posed
I sank to new depths of lows
The day the batteries…died.

I started singin’
Why, why, did my sanity die?
My fingers and my ears collide
‘LA-LA’ed till I cried
And my partner didn’t have batteries set aside
I thought ‘That’s it, my sanity is fried…’
‘That’s it, my sanity is fried.’

My partner strangely was immune
Rolled eyes as Sue fell to a swoon
For Bleeprin I searched all in vain
CDs I thought would block the pain
Alas, I knew batteries were slain
For music loud is quite the drain

Oh, no! For now my verse is turning Sue
And Legolas has caught the flu
For Sue to play the nurse
Yet-she is victim of a curse!
And any patient she heals takes
The energy her spirit makes
Oh, please just die already, fake
That’s right…my batteries died.

I was singin’
Why, why, did my sanity die?
My fingers and my ears collide
‘LA-LA’ed till I cried
And my partner didn’t have batteries set aside
I thought ‘That’s it, my sanity is fried…’
‘That’s it, my sanity is fried.’

Well, the story relentless continued
And homicidal turned my mood
My partner laughed as teeth I ground
The charge list built to a high
As chapter 18 then came nigh
I swore to Eru that Sue I would pound.

And as I watched her be the hero
Tolerance dropped to a zero
I charged into the scene
“ENOUGH!” at last I screamed
“This story has to stop right here,
Or my sanity will disappear”
Our Sue then tried to shed a tear
The day my batteries…died.

I was singin’
Why, why, did my sanity die?
My fingers and my ears collide
‘LA-LA’ed till I cried
And my partner didn’t have batteries set aside
I thought ‘That’s it, my sanity is fried…’
‘That’s it, my sanity is fried.’

Partner and I sang
My, my, you made my (her) sanity fry
You’re charged today, don’t you dare say
This all was a lie
To corny last words your right is denied
Sue, I’m glad to say good-bye…
Sue, I’m glad to say good-bye.

…good-bye!

(With apologies to Don McLean.)