1.We Hope Never to See You in Our Offices
2.Minor Offences
3.Major Offences
4.“You Left Legolas Where?!”

1. We Hope Never to See You in Our Offices

Why breaking the rules is a bad plan

The Agents of the PPC are a part of the Canon Protection Initiative. Their job is, as the name of the Organisation indicates, to Protect the Plot Continuum. The clue is in the title.

The majority of the rules in this volume relate directly to that issue. Put simply: if you break the rules, you are failing, to greater or lesser extent, to do your job properly. As all members of the PPC are volunteers, this should be sufficient deterrent.

For those in need of a more concrete reason to stick to the rules, how about this: Upstairs frowns on those who break them. For each crime, there is a punishment, and the punishment will fit the crime. There are few who do not know the fate of Agent Castellan shortly before he departed the PPC, an example which perfectly proves our point. The fact that No-Drool Videos are shown to those guilty of inappropriate lusting is also well known, and equally appropriate.

The Flowers of the PPC would be quite happy never to see any of the Agents in their offices again. When a punishment is necessary, however, the relevant Department Head will meet with the Agent, and where necessary, said Agent will be brought and interviewed before the full Board of Flowers. This makes no one very happy – the Agent rarely enjoys it, and the Flowers never do. Hence this volume.

If you read these chapters carefully, you will not need such an interview. If you are not interviewed, you will be happier, your bosses will be happier, and the PPC will be a happier place. Surely that’s reason enough?

2. Minor Offences

Don’t annoy us, or else

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3. Major Offences

Don’t make us angry, or else

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4. “You Left Legolas Where?!”

When there are no words

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