With Yoda safely on his way back to the Star Wars Continuum via Foo Powder and the Canon Characters in charge of stocking the Canon Shift Bunker, Meir Brin had fallen back into her old routine of sitting in on classes. Today she was visiting Spellcheck class, and seemed to be in an uncharacteristic good mood. “Seemed” is the key word here.

“Come in, everyone,” said Hermione Granger, watching the students file into the computer room. “Today we are going to deal with a touchy subject for many of you: when the Spellcheck fails to catch mistakes.”

Many of the Wantingmors groaned, having experienced this trauma. To some of the Lusterbuffs, however, the announcement that the beloved Spellcheck was not infallible... There was weeping in the aisles from that declaration, to say the least.

Hermione and Percy Weasley then struggled to lift up a very large chart that listed a bunch of words, some in plain black ink, others written in Blello.

“Now, all of you fanwriters will note, all of the words on this chart are spelled correctly. However, they are often mistaken for each other. Observe this dialogue,” said Percy strictly. With a wave of his wand, the former Head Boy had cast an illusion around the classroom. The students were now in a park, and for some unexplained reason Hermione was dressed as Jacqueline Kennedy with Percy as Cary Grant.

“My dear, you look positively splashing today,” said Percy. Hermione was now sopping wet.

“Why thank you, Percy deer,” said Hermione. For a brief second the third-eldest Weasley appeared with antlers and hoofed feet.

“It certainly is a lovely day,” said Percy. “Would you care for a stool in the park?” He appeared to be offering Hermione a choice from a selection of three-legged seats instead of a “stroll,” which Meir Brin assumed was the intended word.

“Just a minuet,” said Hermione. The room froze, and from some bowel of the Earth a fast-paced classical dance tune sprang up. It played for approximately four and a half minutes before stopping. Hermione turned to the class. “Do you understand what we mean now? Though all of the words that we used in this dialogue were spelled correctly, they still meant the wrong thing. Now, before we move on, err... Percy?”

Percy jumped slightly and canceled the illusion. Everyone was back in the “This Is a Spellcheck... Use It” classroom, and Hermione and Percy no longer resembled actors from a seventies public service video.

Meir Brin smiled as Hermione began the lecture about the importance of editors and how it was very critical that they put refined pieces of work on the Internet. The “minuet” in place of “minute” had always been a pet peeve of hers, and it was always nice to get things set straight. She pulled a piece of cloth out of her vest pocket and began to polish her glasses when the ground shook suddenly.

“Cripes,” she muttered, grabbing hold of the wall paneling behind her.

“Now don’t panic!” said Hermione, biting her lip. The fanwriters got down under their desks and pulled their hands over their heads as if it was an atomic fallout drill. “It’s just a Canonquake, it will be over soon!”

Percy brandished his wand and flung the door open, bracing himself in the door frame as he checked for people in the hallways. The sounds of shattered glass echoed through Hogwarts, and Percy started to perform Stabilizing spells on the walls.

Meir Brin managed to stumble over to the window, and looked out over the grounds. No, it couldn’t be!

Forty-foot long gashes were appearing out of thin air. It looked as if the fabric of reality had a run in it, and was struggling to keep from exposing a hairy leg of the outer worlds. Within the gaps Meir Brin could see shadowy shapes moving, and glassy eyes seemed to blink collectively at the sunlight of HFA. The Canonquake rumbled ominously, and the gashes became wider. A shadow fell over the lake, and something started to spill out onto the field.

And then the rumbling stopped. As if a Great Celestial Being had used a Great Celestial Zipper the gash closed itself almost immediately. Whatever had fallen onto the grounds vanished.

Meir Brin slumped against the windowsill, hands clammy and face white. That was proof of it, then. The Canon was breaking.

*********

After the morning’s Canonquake, Ally White would have been content to spend the rest of the day in the Canonlaw dormitories avoiding the pieces of plaster that fell from the ceiling. Unfortunately, HFA did not work like that, and she was required to attend “British for Dummies” that afternoon.

Ally managed to skip up the steps, jumping the fake one and passing through a tapestry without too much harm to her person. In fact, it looked as if Ally would be arriving to her classroom without hurting herself when she ran into something solid. It was floating.

“Peeves!” said Ally, startled. She folded her arms over her chest in a rather paranoid manner.

The grinning specter turned a cartwheel in midair and gave her the finger. Behind him, the Fellowship of the Peeves (including Rex Natos, C-Chan, and Eibbor Nakrus) grinned devilishly. C-Chan produced a Sing-Along Trout from inside her bag, and Rex Natos started priming a hot glue gun.

“Hello, ickle fanwriter! Did Canon shift and make you scared?” he asked, using a mix of sarcasm and baby talk.

Ally began to edge her way down the steps, not taking her eyes off of the poltergeist. Her fingers clamped around the five-spelling wand in her pocket, and she thought briefly of the Disarming spell. It might work, or at least give her enough time to run for it...

“Peeves, I have to get to class,” she stated firmly.

The Sing-Along Trout started to warble “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” This did not sound like a good thing, especially when every fifth word was substituted for something like “maim,” “defile,” or “chainsaw.”

The bell chimed suddenly, and Rex Natos sighed. “We’ll have to continue this later, you know.”

Eibbor Nakrus shouldered his bag and picked up his odd-looking wand. “Just when things were getting interesting.”

C-Chan bit her lip and bonked the two of them on the head with her Sing-Along Trout. “No more ‘goon’ clichés.” Then she smiled weirdly and mimicked the Terminator’s “I’ll be back.”

Ally moved to escape with the others, but Peeves grinned and intercepted her. “Good-bye, my minions! I feel like it is time for some hunting! But then again a chase would be nice as well...” he feigned contemplation. “I know! If I take these, like so...”

Ally found that her canines had now vanished completely from her mouth. Frustration welled up inside of her, and she threw her book bag aside. “I’ve had enough!” she cried. Speaking with missing teeth is rather like having overly large braces: uncomfortable and seemingly without purpose.

Peeves ignored her, and the teeth reappeared in his hand. He threw them up and down like dice, having pulled them from Ally’s mouth. Glancing down at the angry fanwriter, he snapped his fingers. A flotilla of red water balloons zoomed in out of nowhere, making a beeline for Ally.

“I’ve had enough!” said Ally again, brandishing her wand. She pointed at the foremost water balloon and cried “Incendio!” The rubber caught fire, heating the water until it formed steam, and then the balloon popped.

Peeves flipped upside down and blew her a wet raspberry. “More! More!” he cried, cackling wickedly. “Can’t hit me!”

This time Ally pointed at Peeves. “Expelliarmus!” He was thrown backwards, and slammed into the wall.

“I didn’t know that I could do that...” she said, awestruck. Grinning gleefully, she performed the spell again. It felt good, after all of Peeves’ tricks on her. “Expelliarmus!” she cried.

Peeves now looked distinctly annoyed. The remaining water balloons dropped down upon Ally, soaking her down to her socks. Ally screamed “Expelliarmus!” once again, hoping to finish him off. Bloody fury coursed through her, not letting her see what a foolish thing she was doing. But then again, she had gotten off with attacking Pettigrew; maybe it would be okay with Peeves as well.

“Miss White? What are you doing?” asked a calm voice.

Ally stopped as if she had suddenly been coated in cement. She turned to face Harry Potter and Sirius Black, both carrying an unconscious Mary Sue under their arms. “What is this?” asked Sirius, indicating Peeves and the empty husks of water balloons littering the corridor.

“She attacked me, sir,” said Peeves, wringing his hands. “I was only doing my job, enlightening students about life at Hogwarts, and she attacked me...” The tone suggested that someone had fallen down the stairs and was now on the verge of death.

Ally felt Harry’s and Sirius’ eyes rest on her dog teeth. Harry turned back to Peeves. “I doubt that, Peeves. Go away; we need a word with Miss White,” said the boy.

Ally tried to stop blushing. She really did. But trying to contain a flood of embarrassment inside oneself is harder than it sounds, and Ally was struggling with that predicament just then. “I...”

“Put that away,” said Sirius, looking at her wand. He waved his own, and her teeth zoomed out of Peeves’ hands (Peeves himself didn’t look to pleased about this, what with the struggling to keep his prize and all) and reattached themselves back in her mouth. “Come with us.”

Ally looked down miserably and followed the two Canon Characters as they descended into the Great Hall. A little speck of hope dotted her horizon, though. Her situation seemed strikingly similar to when Harry had been signed onto the Gryffindor team as Seeker. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all...

Yet, as all who know the Laws of Irony and the whims of the Ironic Over-power are aware, because Ally had been foolish enough to hope for a positive outcome when she was obviously going to be punished, her hopes were entirely in vain. She was in for some punishment, most definitely.