The Hogwarts lawn looked like a patchwork quilt with all of the blankets that had been spread on the ground. Plates of sandwiches and pitchers of pumpkin juice stood on small Untippable Tables (something that had been set up for Tonks’ benefit), and the air hummed with the voices of the many fanwriters and Canon Characters enjoying lunch.

“Truth, for Professor Snape,” said Klose, picking up a piece of parchment from a sizable stack. The fanwriters huddled around the pavilion giggled and stared eagerly up at the Potions master, who appeared to have choked on his salad. “Are you a vampire?” finished Klose.

Snape glowered at the fanwriters. “What makes you think that I am a vampire? Think you that such a thing would not be documented? Think you that she would not have forced my resignation if such a thing were true?” he asked indignantly, indicating Professor Umbridge.

The fanwriters looked amused, then started whispering eagerly among themselves.

“Truth, for Professor Moody,” said Klose. Moody’s magical eye swiveled so that he was looking at her out the side of his head while continuing to drink from his hip flask. “The Wantingmors want to know if you’ve ever used your eye for... other... purposes,” finished Klose, blanching slightly.

Moody growled, then dug his finger into his eye socket and popped out the electric-blue eyeball (“Eeeww!” said Sallah). “Don’t know what you mean by ‘other purposes’, but it’s a good party trick,” he said roughly. “If you mean about looking at women...” he paused and laughed heartily. Kristin and Danica Maupoissant shuddered and folded their arms over their chests.

“Oh, here’s one from Slashering House, for Professor Lupin,” started Klose. Remus looked up mildly, eyeing the horde of Lusterbuffs sitting in front of him. “Do you love Sirius Black?” asked Klose, tossing the piece of paper into the pile of discarded questions.

Remus thought about this, then said, “I love Sirius like a brother. He is one of my best friends.”

“Ooo, incest!” squealed an overexcited Slashering. Remuse and Loupen the Mini-Aragogs tackled her and drug her off into the Forbidden Forest.

“Ah, here’s a good dare,” started Klose. “Canonlaw House dares Draco Malfoy to stay on a bucking broomstick for longer than ten minutes. Professor Quirrell, would you oblige us?”

Meir Brin smiled as Draco climbed onto a broomstick that Madam Hooch had Summoned from the broom shed, then turned away from the spectacle as Quirrell started to perform the jinx that he had used in the first book. The picnickers seemed to be enjoying themselves, to say the least. A certain gloom hung over a blanket containing Sirius-fanciers, but other than that most of the fanwriters were enjoying the Truth or Dare game.

“That’s ten minutes,” said Lucius Malfoy coldly as Draco flew down to the ground amidst great applause from the fanwriters and Slytherin Canon Characters.

“Now, which one of you would like to be watched by Fread, he’s a good Mini-Aragog, full of life, and especially good at rooting out the Textitus words in your stories,” said Salsa, speaking like a true auctioneer. “Anyone, anyone? Very good, Miss Pritchard. Fread, you’re all right with this? Ah, very good. Step over here to get the adoption papers...”

Meir Brin passed by the Mini-Aragog Adoption Auction just in time to see Fread, a Mini-Aragog with reddish highlights in his black fur, bound off of the podium and glomp Catrin Pritchard, whom he had just adopted. Nearby, Mirild Sket kept whispering to Loopin, “Just hang on a bit longer, we’ll be good friends, and you can have all the bouillabaisse you want...”

“I had never expected that. I’m... flattered, I suppose, but I’d really rather not—”

“Black leather?! You’re joking, you’ve got to be joking, I won’t, there’s no way—”

There was a loud poof!, and Meir Brin turned to see an amused Dumbledore pointing his wand at Lupin and Draco, who were shirtless and clad in black leather, respectively. It seemed that all of the fanwriters had produced their Christmas towels and were now dealing with a copious amount of drool. Agents Polaris and Aria appeared interested as well.

“I’m not late, am I?” asked an amused voice from the front steps. The fanwriters turned to see Sirius Black standing near the castle, alive and smiling mischievously. This also took the attention from Lupin long enough for him to borrow Professor Moody’s traveling cloak and run off into the castle to hide.

“Sirius!” cried Mystikalolo and Asteria simultaneously. The Sirius fans all jumped to their feet and formed a loose ring around their favorite, staring at him avidly.

“What’s it like being dead?” asked KazraGirl, bouncing slightly.

“Don’t say that; he’s still alive here!” said Dimond. “Aren’t you?”

The Animagus’ eyes flickered for a minute, then he laughed. “I was resurrected, so that would make me alive, I suppose.”

“You had better be alive,” huffed Madam Pomfrey, bustling out of the castle. “After all the work it was to bring you back. Most people at least have a body to work with; even Mr. Crouch as a bone was easier than you...”

“SIRIUS!” screamed a frenzied Lusterbuff, catching sight of the tall dark-haired man. “SIRIUS, YOU’RE BACK!” A crowd of fans got to their feet running toward him. Dimond and KazraGirl instantly turned to shield Sirius, while Asteria started to lecture the running horde about too much excitement for someone who had just been reanimated.

“I do believe we’ve taught them well,” said Meir Brin, coming to watch the fiasco. “Or at least some of them.”

“Indeed we have,” said Sirius. With a small pop! he transformed into a dog and gamboled off for a run around the lake, fanwriters following happily behind him.

*********

Ally had never seen so many unhappy faces as she walked down the lane, past the winged boar statues, and down to the Hogsmeade platform. If she looked in the mirror, she expected that her own unhappy face would rank right up their with C-Chan’s and Hermione8meg’s. It seemed that no one was too keen to leave HFA.

She had her Real World (as opposed to Fanficto-Reality) clothing on, and after a rigorous search by Mr. Crouch to guarantee that the fanwriters weren’t stealing Hogwarts property (Newmoon had had a big row with him after Crouch had demanded that she give up the phoenix feather that Fawkes had given her; it was now stuck firmly in her rucksack with her fanfiction license), the fanwriters had been herded out of the castle and were now shivering in the chilly morning air. “Good-bye, everyone!” called Lily Potter. A group of Canon Characters including Hermione, Dobby, Hagrid, and Dumbledore had come to see them off.

“Will we ever get to see you again?” asked Jocelyn.

Professor Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. “Perhaps. Most of that will depend on you.”

Ally took her seat in one of the back compartments, staring out the window. She should have been happy, she ought to have been happy. She was going home, and she would see her family again...

“It’s not fair...” wailed Onyx. “I don’t want to g-g-go...”

“Me neither,” said Redfire, sliding the door closed behind her. “I didn’t even get to touch Draco,” she said, sighing. “At least they let us keep our wands.”

Ally grinned wryly. “A shame they won’t work once we get into the Real World.”

“Yeah, that’s a shame. I so wanted to hex my little brother. God how I miss him,” said Redfire.

“Attention, attention!” said a voice over the loud speaker. “Miss Brin has asked me to remind you that once you return to your life, your memories will rejoin with the memories of the you that has been living in the Real World all this time.”

The confused silence that descended upon the train was interrupted only by the soft coughing of the Sevvie’s Angels. As a farewell gift, Snape had jinxed all of his fangirls with a Coughing Spell.

“You’ll figure it out once you get home,” said the voice, sounding a bit miffed.

The train groaned as its wheels started to turn, taking the fanwriters away from HFA. Ally peered out the window, trying to see Hogwarts before it disappeared from view. The train rounded a bend, and Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, and the Canon Characters standing on the platform vanished from view.

Suddenly Ally felt very sleepy, and her eyelids drooped despite her wish to stay awake. She wanted to cling to every last second she had at HFA, she didn’t want it to end. The little voice of conflict in the back of her mind scolded her, saying that she should look forward to seeing her friends in Real Life. Was she betraying her real friends and family by wanting to stay at HFA?

Then Ally couldn’t fight the slumber any longer. She felt the compartment melt away as she closed her eyes, changing into a smooth flat plain. Ally was no longer sitting in a compartment on a moving train, she was being cradled in a warm blanket, lying on her back. Her short, thin fingers clung to the wand in her hand, cuddling it as a child would a teddy bear. The air became heavy and smelled of lilacs, and Ally felt as if she had just slipped into a warm, peaceful bath.

An hour later, the Hogwarts Express pulled back into the Hogsmeade station, completely devoid of fanwriters.