The Agents – Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings.

Agent Emma stood outside the Sunflower Official's office. She had been pulled in after accidentally leaving her charge list notes in a canon universe. It had taken fifty agents several weeks trying to erase the characters' memories, and many agents had been left with long-term memory-loss after leaving off their shades. One, Emma knew, deliberately did it just to delete knowledge of a previous mission – but the SO didn't count that as an excuse.

She had worked in the Mary Sue department for a few weeks now, in the Sailor Moon division. Still a relative newbie, she blamed her mistake on the lack of sleep and savoury food. And also the fact that she had spent a few days trying to find her response centre.

She was getting nervous now. Never good at dealing with authority, her palms were clammy and her pulse was racing. Tears weren't far away, and this was reflected on her face.

Come! bellowed the SO.

Edging in, Emma stood shamefaced before the suited flower, now pointing its petals at her and looking as scary as an enraged sunflower can look.

Agent E. Willow. It was three weeks ago that we last spoke, wasn't it? When you had been newly assigned to the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, I believe.

"Yes, sir. If I may, I would like to apologise for this unfortunate accident—"

That was an unfortunate incident, wasn't it? said the SO. I am afraid we have to reassign you to...

Emma looked up. Reassign her? To a different department? But she was suited to the killing and general maiming of Mary Sues! What if she was reassigned to the Dept. of Bad Roleplay? Or the Dept. of Bad Slash? She couldn't even handle Good Slash…

It had never really occurred to her that other subdivisions needed new recruits.

The SO glanced at the recruit for a moment, saw her teary eyes and was immediately appalled at the thought of this podgy girl watering his office with salt water. Humans could be very unhygienic at times.

As I was saying, reassign you to the subdivision of Lord of the Rings fanfiction.

"Thank you, sir! I mean, I—"

Yes, yes, now get out.

Hurtling out of the office, she had a rather large grin on her face, attracting many sour glares from other agents. No-one had a grin on their face in the HQ unless they had managed to find some Bleepka.

Still, she had to find a partner...

Skidding to a halt, the grin fading, she turned back, plodding desolately towards the cafeteria. Anti-social, Emma? That was a rather large understatement. Lost in her thoughts, she almost didn't notice the cafeteria door swinging at her face.

Damn, thought the door. Get that one next time.

Making her way through the queue (mainly by pushing in), she was greeted with a slop of yellow stuff on her plate. Carrying it to a spare table, she sat down and poked it with a fork someone had left there. It growled at her. Putting it down rather quickly, she scanned the place for actual edible food. She could see many blobs of yellow stuff wrestling with random PPC agents (most agents were losing) and a few agents looking smug, chewing on chocolate bars or cake. There was an agent with her back to Emma, with chocolate sticking out of her pocket. Perfect opportunity!

Reaching forward slowly, she grabbed the wrapper and pulled the whole glorious brown sweet stuff towards her. She then sprinted out of the cafeteria and hoped that not too many sugar-starved agents were following.


She'd crashed into a girl coming the other way. Getting up, she was about to run off – but the girl was squinting at a picture and obviously recognised Emma.

"Agent Emma? I am Agent Kate. The Sunflower Official has assigned me as your partner."

Emma took in the girl's shock of hair, the many CDs sticking out of Agent Kate's bag and pineapple-shaped hat.


"Can we go to your response centre? Rumour has it one of the custard surprises from the cafeteria has escaped, and I dislike being bitten by yellow puddings."

"Of course."

She didn't know what made her do it, maybe the idea of a new friend, but she did.


Agent Kate looked up and grinned.

"Love some."


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