PPC Manual
Volume 4
So We Were Stupid Enough to Give You a Weapon
In each and every Department of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, technology is used. Some portions of the vast catalogue the Protectors have available to them are confined to Headquarters, as for example the Console and its attached Portal Generator, Disguise Generator, and Loud Noise Generator. Many others, however, are able to be transported into the field, and most of them are described in the sixth chapter of this volume.
It is highly likely that you, as an Agent, will be required to wield a weapon at some point. Consequentially, this volume is almost entirely given over to the use and misuse of such devices, and issues surrounding them. Some may say that this is a foolish use of limited space, when the technology common to all departments is far more expensive to repair and should therefore be given additional space, but I am assured that this layout is the most optimal. So this is how it is to be done.
~Hornbeam (Head, Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology)
| Chapters | |
|---|---|
| 1. | You Are Not a Mary-Sue, You Cannot Aim |
| 2. | Shape-Shifting in Style |
| 3. | “My Bowstring Just Snapped” |
| 4. | Borrowed Weapons |
| 5. | No Need for a Graveyard |
| 6. | All Those Other Gizmos |
1. You Are Not a Mary-Sue, You Cannot Aim
Weapons training and why it is necessary
While raw enthusiasm is useful on a mission, it is less likely to cause failure, injury to partner, injury to self, and general chaos if you can actually use the weapon provided. Since you cannot automatically get the hang of whatever you pick up within five minutes, you are limited to whatever you’re familiar with (nothing, probably). Having a weapon you cannot handle may also cause damage to Headquarters, which is why we’d prefer you to learn.
In theory, new Agents receive a haphazard course in weapons training when they sign up. Official training by a senior Agent, should you be lucky enough to get it, lasts about three days and teaches you how not to kill yourself. Most people end up knowing which end you’re not supposed to hold. You may learn to aim well enough to hit the target, although chances are that by this time you’ve already been assigned a partner and are now on a mission. This, in fact, is when you learn to hit the target.
Most practical weapons training takes place after you’re halfway competent and is provided by your new partner. If it consists of instructions screamed in your ear while you perch on the edge of a cliff, don’t complain. You ought to learn faster with your partner screaming in your ear. Your partner is also more likely to hurt you if you miss. Incentive, see?
2. Shape-Shifting in Style
Disguises and why we use them
If you take a look at your Response Centre’s console, you will notice two things. First, it is very big. Second, and more relevantly, a significant portion of the space is given over to the Disguise Generator. It is very important that you learn how this works. For details, refer to the PPC Technology Use Manual, Volume 16, Sections 4 through 27.
The reason for the Disguise Generator is simple. It is against PPC policy to interfere with the Canon worlds more than necessary – to do so would only cause more work for us. Thus, Agents disguise themselves as races from the Canon – as elves, Orcs, generic human wizards, and so forth. If possible, it is recommended that the disguise chosen is of something that would reasonably perform the actions the Agent is undertaking – for example, killing a member of the Fellowship of the Ring – but it is appreciated that this is not always viable, and violations of this rule are usually overlooked.
The disguise generator is far more versatile than other forms of disguise – false beards or plastic ears – as it actually alters the fundamental shape of the Agent in question. If a pair of Agents enter the Word Worlds as Ents, they will find themselves impervious to arrows. Agents taking dragon disguises can fly. This is something which no amount of makeup can match. However, there have been serious abuses, and thus punishments have been set out. Please see Volume 9 for details.