There was a loud sputtering, as in the sound made by a car right before it dies, then Ally, Redfire, and Vethil were all expelled from their compartment like peas from a pop gun. In fact, the students were not only removed from their compartments, they were removed from the train.

At least that was the impression that the students got when they all landed in a heap outside of the Hogwarts Express.

“Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Who’s got something pointy?!” Chibigreen exclaimed, trying to untangle herself from the group.

Ally saw Vethil fold her arms together and smile apologetically.

They appeared to be in Hogsmeade. From what Ally had seen in the movie, this certainly looked like the place where Hagrid had said good-bye to Harry. She dusted herself off and got up, unwittingly bumping into someone else. Ally looked at the ground. Black robes... wand... long fingers... “Eep.”

Lord Voldemort’s eyes narrowed into menacing red slits. “Who dares to block the path of Lord Voldemort, heir of Slytherin?!”

“Meep.” Ally trembled. She could feel her fingers curling into Chinese eating utensils.

Lord Voldemort gave an evil laugh that would have been quite cliché had he indeed been intending to harm Ally. Instead, the Dark Lord grinned, displaying nice, sharp, pointy teeth. “You’re afraid of me! As it should be! I have had seven ‘students’,” he sneered the word, “come to me on this cursed train and demand that I ‘leave Harry alone’, what ignorant fools! They cannot change the will of Lord Voldemort! None shall speak my name on—”

“Oh there you are! Threaten them later! Brin wants them up at the castle now!” A tall, handsome teenager was striding towards them, and Ally noted that he too had a wand.

“But Tom...” Voldemort whined in an angst-ridden voice, “I’m just getting started...”

Tom Riddle wrinkled his nose in disgust. “If I had known I would grow up to be you, I would never... never have...”

“Grown up? Hah! Foolish boy, you may be me in the past, but you will never equal my power! I do what I please! I am Lord Voldemort!”

“I am, too!” Riddle shouted, drawing his wand. “And you can’t make me do anything! You old people are so restrictive!”

“I am your better! I have more experience! The world cringes when I set foot on it...” Voldemort hissed. “Oh, I like that! Let me write it down!” The Dark Lord reached for a small black book that Riddle was holding.

Tom pulled his book away quickly as his elder self reached for it. “NO ONE WRITES IN MY DIARY!” he screeched. “NO ONE BUT ME! GET YOUR OWN DIARY!”

Ally edged away from the two nervously, wanting to escape without being hexed. Redfire had also noticed her predicament, yet had stayed a few meters back. Now Redfire quickly grabbed her and dragged Ally back into the group. Ally didn’t mind her friend not coming to her rescue. She couldn’t honestly blame Redfire for not wanting to be in the clutches of Lord Voldemort or Tom Riddle.

The students were then herded into small boats, perhaps the very same that had been used by Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Ally was thrown into a boat with three other girls. One of them she recognized as Catrin, whom Redfire had told her about. The girl was rather hard to miss, being the only student to have flaming turquoise hair. Apparently, turquoise was Lord Voldemort’s favorite color.

The fleet of ships sped silently across the lake. Ally barely had time to look around before the ships had docked under the castle. The sun was on the verge of setting, throwing red and yellow light onto the castle walls. As soon as the party of fanfiction writers set foot on land, they were met by none other than Percy Weasley, who seemed to be trying to stifle his enjoyment at being placed in charge of something.

Percy led them up to the front door of the castle, which he then rapped upon with the butt of his wand. There was the sound of hurried footsteps, and then the door opened.

*********

Meir Brin woke up in the early afternoon to the keening wail of the Canon Accuracy Device. She sighed and got dressed, thinking that at least the device made a good alarm clock.

She was up not a moment too soon, for that instant there was a loud rap at her door and then it burst into splinters. If there was one thing Meir Brin had learned in the past two days it was that the Canon Characters had little patience with doors.

“What do you want from me?!” she groaned, pulling on her boots.

It was the senior Barty Crouch, mustache and all. “The students are coming. God help us.”

“Of course they’re coming, this is a school, not an office.” Meir Brin grabbed her Switch and followed the character out into the main part of the school. “How’s the Practical Wizardry syllabus coming? Last I heard, Minerva was threatening to gut Trelawney for not complying with Hogwarts curriculum.”

“They have been... separated,” Crouch said, turning a sharp corner and pulling aside a tapestry with foxgloves stitched on it. “In here.”

“What’s this?” Meir Brin said, as they were faced with a blank stone wall.

“Password is ‘May I ask to whom I am speaking?’” Crouch stated, and the wall melted away at his words. “We’re fortifying this wing with Anti-fangirl charms and Luster-repellent. I suppose we can all live here until the menace is passed.”

“Staff section, eh?” Meir Brin questioned, taking in the vaulted ceiling and large windows with approving eyes. “I’d say it’s perfect. But what’s with the password?”

Crouch stiffened and furrowed his brow. “They’re fangirls. They don’t know proper grammar.”

“Barty! Barty!” Ludo Bagman strolled over to Crouch and Meir Brin jauntily, his face lit up with a wide grin. “You know, I was just talking to Gilderoy here, and we’ve had a most excellent discovery!” Ludo looked around wildly. “Gilderoy! Gilderoy! Oh, he was just here a moment ago! Gilderoy!”

“Right here, Ludo!” Gilderoy Lockhart bounced over to the group wearing robes of a taffy-colored sort of pink. “Have you told them yet?”

“No, I thought you wanted to break the news, didn’t you?” It seemed that if Ludo smiled any more, his mouth would overwhelm the rest of his face.

“Why thank you, Ludo! If I may take it upon myself to say, that was a smart move on your part, I am, naturally, the best one to break such a beautiful announcement, such—”

“Shut up, Lockhart!” Ron Weasley yelled from his room.

“Well if you don’t want to know that Ludo and I have subdued a most extraordinary sort of girl that suddenly appeared in the fourth floor hallway on the east side in room 432, I won’t tell you!” Gilderoy said in a huff.

Meir Brin smiled grimly. “Room 432?”

“Yes’m!” Ludo said, drawing up a mock salute.

“Then send someone up later to collect a very lovely statue from room 432,” Meir Brin replied. “Tom Riddle’s keeping his basilisk in there.”