Author’s Note: I would like to take the time now to thank all of you that have reviewed so far, and to clarify a couple of points. First of all, enrollment will be open to everyone for the whole duration of this fanfiction. I could still use some more students, so don’t hesitate. ^_^

Secondly, I’m going to ask all of you to help me on a search for two things. One, Mini-Aragogs. If you see any misspelled character names in a real fanfiction, kindly report them in a review. As you have read in the previous chapter, “Tantaflaf” is a spell name used in a fanfiction. If you come across any of these, I’d love to hear about them. The only kinds I won’t use are those derived from Latin. They actually make sense. However, nonsense words will be readily incorporated.

Thank you for your time, now on with the fanfiction...

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Ally dashed through the corridors. Why, oh why didn’t she remember where the common room was? According to Madame Maxime, all of their books for their first classes were in their rooms, along with wands for those who had specified that they needed one. The common room... Where was the common room?

Ally turned a corner suddenly, and ran smack into Peeves. No, not the time for this! she thought, trying to dart around him.

And though anyone who has ever read Harry Potter can tell you that Peeves doesn’t like to be run into, or ignored, for that matter, Ally did not have the benefit of heeding such advice. Which becomes a problem if you know anything about the nature of Peeves.

“Ooooo! Ickle fanny fiction writers! What brings ickle writer up here? Could it be... this?”

“No, I’m—” She did a double-take. “Where did you get that?!” She made a swipe for her lingerie.

Peeves floated higher and pulled her bra out of reach. “Ickle writer bumps into Peeves!”

“Ewww!” Ally shrieked, backing away. “Give that back!”

Peeves eyes glittered mischievously. “Come and get it! Come and get it!” he called as he floated higher towards the ceiling.

A horrible thought had come to Ally’s mind. What if Harry Potter came along? She couldn’t take that chance, now could she? Summoning all of her fangirl strength, Ally took a mighty jump and reached out to grab her undergarment.

She missed.

The last thing Ally remembered was Peeves grabbing her arm wickedly and tossing her high in the air, flowed by a lengthy plummet of three floors over a nearby stairwell.

*********

Meir Brin was in a truly sour mood. Of course, anyone would be in a sour mood if they had been trying to dispatch an Original Character and had been bitten by the monster in an Animagus lion form and then been tossed down the Astronomy Tower’s six flights of stairs. That was sort of a given.

Even though, by the good graces of Madam Pomfrey, Meir Brin’s arm had been completely reattached, the HFA coordinator was still quite annoyed. She was not expecting to see one of the fanwriters lying in a heap under the main stairwell with, of all things, a bra tied over her face. Which was then marked with the words “The Fellowship of the Peeves Strikes Again!”

“I might just leave this one for the Mini-Aragogs to find,” Meir Brin muttered to herself. “But on the first day?” she argued. “I could deprive the Canon Characters from some problematic student,” said the first voice. “I could provide the Canon Characters with some fun,” she said again. Nope, sorry to disappoint the students. Meir Brin did not have schizophrenia. Meir Brin only acted like she did.

Sighing, she took a whistle from her pocket and gave three blasts. It was a Mini-Aragog whistle, meant to call the creatures forth on a sound frequency that only they could hear. It utilized the same pitch as a dog whistle, actually, which was something that Meir Brin had found out only when Sirius Black had voiced concerns about hearing loud tones at night that no one else noticed.

McGonigal and Trewlaney were the first to arrive. It was rather interesting that the two Mini-Aragogs worked well together, considering the fact that their Canon Character counterparts would love to see each other hanged.

“Take this to Madam Pomfrey. Be as rough as you like,” said Meir Brin as the two spiders spun a glossy web over the student.

Meir Brin watched fondly as the Mini-Aragogs dragged the fanwriter up a flight of stairs. Go visit some of the classes, or go see the fate of the student. Tough decision. What class was going on now anyway? Oh yes, of course. Fun with Puns. “Ehemmm... I’ll go see how the students are faring in the hospital wing...”

Meir Brin had good reasons for not wishing to disturb Fun with Puns (101, if you must know). It had taken her several hours to persuade Severus Snape to even teach a class (“I get enough of whining brats in my Potions class. Why would I want to teach more students?” followed by a chair being flung at Meir Brin), let alone get him to consider teaching “Humor Me: Fun with Puns 101!” (“Why are there exclamation points at the end of this course? None of the other courses have exclamation points. I do not want to teach a class with three exclamation points.”), which eventually led to the course being called “Fun with Puns. Period. 101.”

Meir Brin smiled. The ultimatum of being the House-Elf Recording Artist Association’s publicity agent had certainly done its trick in the case of Severus Snape. Though now she still needed to find a HERAA publicist. Perhaps Hermione would consider taking the job...

The hospital wing was nearly full. Most of the students there were from Slashering, who had been ambushed by Filch and his “Revenge for Not Including Me In Your Fanfiction” army of Mini-Aragogs. Chibigreen seemed to have been concussed, and had entered into a state of delirium. She had latched onto Weasly the Mini-Aragog during the fray, and was still clutching him in a secure head- (body-?) lock. Weasly did not appear too thrilled.

Meir Brin walked to the back of the room, which was surrounded by barbed wire as it was reserved for the Canon Characters. The only person there was Remus Lupin, who appeared to be having some sort of fit of mental insanity, and was hyperventilating. Madam Pomfrey seemed to have redecorated his cubicle in soft colors and was playing soothing music from a magical radio.

“What happened to him?” asked Meir Brin, pointing at Remus with the Switch of Character Banishment.

“NOOOO! Getting me! Closing in! Can’t BREATHE! Can’t SEE! TOO MANY! Get away! All of you! Aaagharrahhhaaaggiiiiiaaahhhhhhhh!” yelled Remus from his cot, thrashing his arms at an imaginary enemy.

Madam Pomfrey ushered Meir Brin over to the side as Remus began to gnaw on his pillow. “He accidentally walked in front of a group of Lusterbuffs. They were just coming back from breakfast, and they all saw him... You know what fangirls are like...”

Meir Brin cringed. Poor, poor Remus.

Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Glomping bad. Lusterbuff bad,” Meir Brin growled through clenched teeth. “Lusterbuff pay...”