Meir Brin picked up the Canon Accuracy Device and flipped the screen open irritably. “This better be good...” she grumbled.

“What good be?” came Elessor’s bark out of the darkness. He had begun excavations of his own Mini-Abyss in the corner of her room, and Meir Brin had been loath to disturb him. Of all the things one can rely on in the world, greed and Mini-Balrog dirt frenzy are the most consistent.

“Ah... We have an Original Character, no, sorry; it’s a Mary Sue... In the Astronomy Tower.”

“Your problem,” Elessor chortled, tossing a bit more dirt onto Meir Brin’s quilt.

Meir Brin muttered curses at him while relocating the Switch of Character Banishment. She stalked out into the hallway, ignoring Elessor’s gravelly laughter.

*********

Ally mumbled and rolled over. “... three more seconds...”

“I suggest you all get up if you want to find your common room. Or if you want the Mini-Aragogs not to find you,” said a brisk voice, cutting into Ally’s dream.

Ally sat bolt upright. Around her, many people did the same.

Professor Minerva McGonagall stamped her foot down angrily. “Do you want the Mini-Aragogs to find you?”

Now everyone was up. McGonagall illuminated her wand, sending a shaft of light down onto the students. “That’s better. Wantingmors, go with Miss Katie Bell, Mr. Macmillan will take the Lusterbuffs; Miss Chang, please escort the Canonlaws; and Slasherings... Slasherings come with me.”

Ally said goodbye to Vethil as the chopstick-handed girl headed off with the Lusterbuffs. Ally and Redfire then gathered with the rest of Canonlaw around Cho Chang.

“Follow me,” said Chang, illuminating her own wand.

Following Cho Chang was much harder than it looked. The Canonlaws had difficulties keeping up with her as she flitted in and out of the corridors, behind tapestries, and once through what appeared to be a solid wall.

At one point, Ally could have sworn that she heard a strangled yell, followed by a loud cracking noise.

At last the Canonlaws seemed to have reached their destination. Cho Chang stopped and turned to face them. “This is the usual Ravenclaw common room. Since we’ve all relocated, however, you will be staying here. The password is ‘Firenze is a centaur’.”

Ally grumbled. She doubted that her memory could hold a phrase like that. Who was Firenze anyway?

The Canonlaws, now minimally awake, picked out a patch of floor in the common room and went to sleep. They would find their bedrooms in the morning, hopefully. After so hectic a day, Ally was loath to do anything that didn’t involve a pillow and a whole lot of Zs.

When Ally woke up the following morning, she was immediately aware of two things. One, she had an immense crick in her neck, and two, something was stuck to her forehead. She snatched away the paper, looking for someone to yell at. Ally was not a morning person.

After locating what appeared to be her room (the sign on the door that listed names had included one “Ally White”), she got dressed and became aware of how hungry she was. Redfire was in the same room, so the two decided to go search for the Great Hall—and breakfast.

“I had this wonderful dream last night! Draco was in it! I love Draco! Draco—” Redfire chattered, and Ally was forced to wonder if this person could ever stop talking. Or being cheerful, for that matter.

As soon as Ally and Redfire stepped out of the room, however, she became aware of a rumbling sound. Fearing another punctuation downpour, the two Canonlaws stepped under an overhang in the wall.

But it was not a punctuation downpour.

It was not even a grammatical shower.

It was Argus Filch. And a herd of Mini-Aragogs.

“Search them out! Find them all! Students! Attack them! Gah! Glompers be gone! Mini-Aragogs smell your fear! Take them to the headquarters! STUDENTS!” Filch roared. The expression on his face was one of pure delight.

Ally and Redfire quickly ducked back into their common room.

Filch hadn’t seen them. He glanced around, then scratched his chin confusedly. “No students here? I could’ve sworn...” He paused. “No matter! On to SLASHERING!”

“To Slashering!” echoed the Mini-Aragogs in whispery squeals.

The swarm of spiders moved on, and Ally distinctly heard the sound of a hunting horn in the distance.

“Maybe we ought to... wait a bit...” said Redfire. Her face had gone completely white. For once she seemed to be actually out of words.

“Yeah. Maybe... Yeah,” Ally whispered.

Half an hour later the whole House was up, and Ally and Redfire could safely make it downstairs in the group with the promise of safety in numbers. Argus Filch was one thing. But give Argus Filch fifty able-bodied Mini-Aragogs with an appetite... That by itself was one good reason not to stay out after dark.

Breakfast was good. Ally enjoyed a bowl of cereal and some toast before she came across a large tureen that was set in the middle of their table.

“What is it?” asked Onyx as Ally cautiously lifted the lid up.

“What is it?” seemed to be a good phrase to describe what was in the tureen. It was goopy, rather pinkish in color, and had a distinctive odor of sugar and cabbage. A passing Canon Character caught a whiff of the scent, and gagged.

Ally stuck her fork into the mess, and pulled out a glob. “It looks like taffy,” she said.

“Eet iz Tontaflaf.”

Ally turned around, and saw Fleur Delacour standing behind her. “Did you... make it?”

The French girl laughed. “Non, non. You ’ave made eet!”

“Tantaflaf?” Bhuninven had turned around from her seat at the Lusterbuff table. “I once wrote a fic... Tantaflaf was a spell I made up...”

“Zen you ’ave created eet! Deed you really think zat ‘Tontaflaf’ was a h’real spell? Of course not! Eet ’as become zis food substance. Now, bon apetit!” Fleur walked back to her seat at the Ravenclaw table, laughing her head off.

Ally looked at the sticky pink substance glumly. But it wasn’t the disgusting food that occupied her mind. She was very worried.

What would happen when the Canon Characters found out about her own “Habadaba Queenia” and “Preetypansy Polkadotses” spells?