“I’d never quite thought of it that way. Yet perhaps if they knew what a—what a monster I become... I certainly don’t want to hurt them, but if they insist on following me... The next full moon is in eight days, what if one of them follows me? I—AHGHAHGAGHHHAAHHHH!”

Remus Lupin jumped five feet in the air and magicked himself onto the top of a bookcase. “Oh, I thought...” he said, the panicky expression receding only slightly.

Meir Brin mentally slapped herself. How many times had she been told not to make any sudden movements around Remus Lupin? Not enough times, it seemed. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. Should have knocked, my fault...” she replied, edging out of the room.

“Oh, no matter, his time’s up anyway,” said Lily Potter, looking up from her note pad. Lily had kindly agreed to take on the task of HFA therapist, a position for which the Canon Characters had not understood the purpose. Unfortunately, the purpose of the HFA therapist had become strikingly clear in light of the recent glomping outbreaks.

“I’ll go, then...” mumbled Remus Lupin, walking out of the room slowly. At the door he was greeted by Garrt, Ran, and Hermion, who had volunteered to be Remus’ personal bodyguards. The Mini-Aragog version of the Gryffindor triumvirate was quite intimidating.

“So how are you doing today?” asked Lily as Meir Brin sat down on the sofa.

“Reasonably well considering, I suppose...” began Meir Brin as Lily got up to close the door. What was not noted by the Canon Character were the four pairs of malicious fangirl eyes watching from the corridor.

*********

“How did we manage to do that?!” squealed Hermione8meg, earning her a reproachful glare from Onyx. “We get past the To-Roga plant, then the Mini-Aragogs, and Brin too!”

“Remember, if they hear us we’re dead!” whispered Onyx, clenching her fingers around a Slytherin scarf. “We have to keep moving. Away from Remus. Must keep head. Must not glomp...” It seemed that the fangirls were actually making a conscious effort to restrain themselves around their lust-objects. After the Luster-Buffer incident, who wouldn’t be cautious?

“Right. On to find Oliver!” Marina the Huntress argued. Hermione8meg sent her an evil glare. Both Marina and Hermione8meg had joined the reconnaissance team in order to catch a glimpse of Oliver Wood, and both would have killed each other long ago had Onyx not reminded them that fighting would probably draw the Mini-Aragogs to their location.

Ally sighed exasperatedly. “But when are we going to find Harry Potter? I wanted to give him this, but those, those things—” Ally flung her last threads of a Gryffindor banner to the ground. How much homework had she promised to do for Chelsea in order to get that banner? Stupid fungus things with horns, what were they? And why hadn’t she seen them coming? Ally sighed once again.

“Cheer up, Ally,” said Marina. “I’ll see if I can get you off with only half a Bane of Filch essay with Chelsea, seeing as you couldn’t actually deliver the thing to Harry.”

Ally nodded gloomily. She supposed the plan could have gone off worse.

The L.U. (Lusters United) front had gone off rather well. The organization, headed by Hermione8meg, had been formed on Hermione8meg’s promise that everyone would get his or her lust-object when the campaign succeeded. Though the promise was a very large one, and could never be satisfied in the first place, the premier mission, reconnaissance, had started with enthusiasm.

Onyx had created a plan to find out just where exactly the Canon Characters were hiding, and the special team had been chosen to represent each house: Marina the Huntress from Wantingmor, Onyx from Canonlaw, and Hermione8meg from Lusterbuff. The Slashering representative had ducked out at the last moment, as soon as she saw the To-Roga plant waiting in the hallway. Chibigreen was not too comfortable around plants of the man-eating variety. Thus Ally had been recruited onto the squad, a last-moment addition to a hopeless mission.

“Okay,” said Onyx. “The therapy room is here, so the staff wing has got to be close by. Good thing the Mini-Aragogs can’t smell us.”

“I’m still worried about those little green fungus things; what if they tell Brin about us?”

“You should have shot them!” said Ally, glancing at Marina’s bow.

“Can’t, exactly! Not when the arrows have been turned into Nerf darts by those psychos in HFA Customs!”

“They never give us any type of self-defense,” grumbled Hermione8meg. She was nursing a grudge against the HFA customs crew as well. From what Ally could understand, Hermione8meg had asked to bring her house along as a luxury item, so the Customs people had created a duplicate house (out of paste and popsicle sticks) and shrunk it down to the size of a laundry machine. Hermione8meg was not amused. Yet seeing as how the HFA Customs crew were Crabbe and Goyle, how could one argue with them? One could yell at them all day, and they still would not understand a word of it.

Marina the Huntress smiled. “But then again, even if they can talk, those little fungus things have got to have more sense than to disrupt Brin when she’s in therapy! I know I wouldn’t want to.”

Ally grinned. In her fangirl mind, it was logical. “Right. Let’s go.”

The L.U. team crept along the passageway. Around one corner, past a statue, around another corner, Ally could almost feel the warm sensation of being near one’s lust-object. She could actually feel heat... Wait a minute...

“Uh, guys?”

Onyx stopped in her tracks. “What?”

“I think... There’s something behind me... Something breathing...”

Onyx turned slowly. “Uh-oh...”

“BWHARRHARRHARRHARRHARRHAAAAAAAAARRR!”

Standing behind them was a large, purple, gelatin-like creature. At six feet tall, weighing one hundred and eighty-four pounds, and blackberry flavored, the Dursely Jelly-Monster was not sympathetic towards sneaky fangirls.

And after the incident that followed, the fangirls were none too fond of it, either.