Meir Brin stood in the back of the Great Hall, watching as Draco Malfoy demonstrated his infamous sneer. It had been an interesting sort of day, to say the least. Half of Slashering had been trailing Draco to try and persuade him that Harry was his one true love, and the other half had been beaten senseless by Polaris of the PPC. In addition, nearly three quarters of Lusterbuff had been sending Good Luck cards to Draco (as his first teaching opportunity was coming up), while the other part had also been beaten senseless by Polaris.

“Do you see how I curl my upper lip like that? That is how I react when I see a Mudblood. I do NOT get weak-kneed and think ‘my goodness, my life has had no meaning up to this point! Hermione, take me away!’”

A few of the Lusterbuffs collapsed in piles of giddy joy and were dragged away by Ablus and Dumbeldore the Mini-Aragogs. One of the students, Molly Morgan, came to just as they were passing out the doors and began to dig her fingernails into the flagstones, producing a great screeching sound. Her wails of “Draaacccooo...” faded off into the distance.

Draco rolled his eyes in disdain. “You would think that writing about an arrogant prig would be easy enough, but nooo, I have to have ‘revelations’ and ‘changes of heart’. What complete rubbish! My father could buy all of your sorry houses and make you live on the streets! I. Am. Not. A. Nice. PERSON!” he shouted.

“Isn’t he wonderful?” sighed Alanna Roseguard.

“I want him...” said Mika Sei. “My Draco...”

“Gollum...” said Dana Dancer.

Draco shook his head and walked off to the side where Lucius Malfoy and Blaise Zabini (gender still unknown) were standing. “It’s no use. Why do they like me?”

Lucius sneered coldly. “No Malfoy has ever been un-evil. It is like having de-carbonated soda.”

“They make de-carbonated soda, Mr. Malfoy,” pointed out Blaise Zabini.

“Blast! They have ruined my analogy!”

“Perhaps if you did something really evil...” suggested Blaise. “Something to bring them so much pain and suffering...”

“Of course!” said Draco. A Revelation had struck the young Malfoy. And it was not the kind that made him give up his evil ways in favor of dating Hermione Granger. He walked back to the center of the platform. “Fanwriters?” said the Malfoy genially.

Over two hundred fangirls snapped to attention.

“WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?!” screamed Draco, exaggerating his question and astonishment at the same time.

There was a rumble. The sky-like ceiling of the Great Hall clouded over with a milky mist. Meir Brin reached for her granite umbrella. This was a truly fitting end to a wonderful day.

“Punctuation attack!” screamed Dana Dancer.

Exclamation points began to fall from the ceiling in great rocky masses. Question marks flew through the air like boomerangs, smacking students left and right. A double mark dropped down and hit Claudia Beth King with a resounding smack, while Vee was laid low by a rogue exclamation point. The Shroom and Antigra screamed as more exclamation points fell on them like dotted arrows.

From her observation post at the back of the hall (and safely under the shielding of a granite umbrella), Meir Brin smiled. Aria walked up next to her, brushing her hands free of drool. “Finished off any more Remus-lusters?” asked the course coordinator.

Aria grinned. “Many of the Lusterbuffs have learned of the badfic-worn irritability of the PPC agent. Polaris is finishing off some of the more... noisy ones... outside.”

“‘Hell hath no fury like a purist annoyed’,” commented Meir Brin sagely as punctuation knocked out the remainder of the students.

*********

Ally crouched under the table with Morchaint and Selena Luna, waiting patiently for the punctuation downpour to pass. Every so often a stray question mark would slide in under the table and hit one of them in the head, and Ally was much bruised from the experience.

“Oy, watch out for the tittles,” said Morchaint as an exclamation point zoomed past.

“The what?” asked Ally.

“The tittles, the little dots on the end. They’re called tittles,” said Morchaint.

Ally shrugged. “I never knew that.”

“Hey, guys! Look at this!” said Selena Luna, excitedly.

Ally turned around, half expecting to see Draco Malfoy with a pair of scissors about to gouge out her eyes. By the world, he was evil! How could people lust after him?

But instead of insane!Draco, there was something much worse. Something that Ally did not yet know the name of. It was a small silver cloud, shimmering tantalizingly in front of the three fanwriters.

“What is it?” questioned Morchaint, poking the thing with her defunct wand.

“Oh, students!” said a cheerful voice in the aisle. “I have something foooorrr yooouuu!”

“It’s the PPC agents!” hissed Selena Luna. “Quick, go in! It has to be better than those two! We might be able to actually get home!”

“I don’t think—” began Ally. Unfortunately for her, she had no choice. The shimmering silver cloud was sucking them in, tugging at their hair and jewelry. With a siphoning sound, as when one drinks the last bit of soda from a straw, the three girls were pulled into the cloud, never to be seen again.

... Well, almost never.

When Ally came to, she was sitting on something soft. “What? Where? Wh—” A hand was clamped forcefully over her mouth.

“Hush!” said a forceful voice. “Unless you want to be Quintaped fodder!”

“Klose?” asked Ally, recognizing the Sue-dispatcher’s voice. They had met on an occasion long ago, in which Klose had apprehended her for sneaking into the Headmistress’ office. Though their last meeting had been far from pleasant, Ally was glad to find at least some form of only semi-hostile life. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know how you got here, but you are coming back with me. This is the Isle of Drear, kid! It’s Unplottable for a reason, you know!” whispered Klose hurriedly.

Almost at once, the shimmering cloud appeared again, and this time its tug was stronger. Klose let go of Ally and got out her cricket bat. “What happened—to Morchaint—and Selena?” asked Ally as the cloud pulled her closer.

Klose gestured to two figures behind her who were hunched over in unconsciousness. “They’re over there. What is this thing?” The tug was getting stronger, pulling Ally even farther into its silver depths.

Ally never got to respond to that question. She could fight the pull no longer, and was thrown backward into...

Wetness?

Cold water flowed about her, and Ally dog-paddled for dear life against a swift and unrelenting current. Chunks of ice floated around her, and Ally fought to get air as the cold took her breath away. Dimly in the back of her mind Ally realized that she was in the Hogwarts lake. And then It was there, once more.

Oh no, thought Ally. That stupid silver thing again!

In two seconds, Ally was not there anymore. She was surrounded by flowers. At least she recognized this place. It was Privet Drive, from the movie. Ally was about to get to her feet, but then... The Silver Thing.

Cold, hard rock was under her feet. She was standing... in the Astronomy tower? The last thing Ally remembered before she blacked out was a bunch of hairy appendages reaching for her and hissing one word.

“Yo-yo-ses...”

Ally had been another victim of that dreaded thing. No, not the Mini-Aragogs and their yo-yo skills (though some had become quite good at it by now. Hermoine could do a trick that she termed “walkingses the fanwriterses”). The silver clouds that give a writer no rest. Plotholes.